


The Hebert-Skitter Façade

by Undead_Crow



Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Self-Insert, Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-04-26 17:01:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14406528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Undead_Crow/pseuds/Undead_Crow
Summary: And suddenly I was Taylor Hebert, and I was walking towards my locker. I realized I already had my powers, so I decided to jump straight to the part where I break some deserving teeth.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A not-very-serious, slightly-cracky story about Taylor living her life with Parahuman powers and an underdeveloped sense of boundaries.





	1. Chapter 1

_"So..."_

_"So."_

_"You put me in the body of what I thought was a fictional character..."_

_"Yep."_

_"You modify that character's powers a bit..."_

_"Yep."_

_"And then I'm free to fuck shit up?"_

_"Yep."_

_"... shit, I'm game." I shrug and put my hands into my pockets. "So how's this gonna go?"_

_"I turn you into Skitter, you become Panacea, but with bugs only."_

_"Seems like a pain in my bony ass. Worm's kind of a bummer, can't I go somewhere else?"_

_"No."_

And suddenly I was Taylor Hebert, and I was walking towards my locker. I realized I already had my powers, so I decided to jump straight to the part where I break some deserving teeth.

I walked until I found what I was pretty sure was my locker. I could tell it was mine because it smelled fucking terrible. I stared at it, made to open it, and suddenly turned around.

There, with a surprised expression on her face, was someone I somehow knew to be Sophia Hess. Also known as Shadow Stalker. Also known as the Worm's fandom "Edgy Scrappy Doo", second only to the one and only Jack Slash.

I directed some flies to her head, body and limbs before punching her full on the face.

The crack her nose made under my fist was one of the most satisfying sound sI'd heard in my life.

She fell backwards and I took advantage, walking over and stepping on her stomach, kicking down a couple of times. The students and teachers were quick to form a ring of spectators around us, but I paid them no mind. I walked backwards and watched Sophia roll over, coughing.

"Get up." I told her, any shaking that might've settled on my voice shoved into a bunch of ants outside the school. "I'm not going to let you fuck around with me any more. So get the fuck back up and fight me, Hess."

The bitch laughed and got closer, wiping blood from her nose. "You think you can take me just because you took me by-"

I interrupted her by throwing an uppercut at her jaw and calmly responding with a firm, "Yes."

She didn't bother talking after that. She tried to hit me, but the flies I discreetly put on her told me how she was moving, making it easier to dodge her punches.

My body wasn't as fit as Hess', though. Which meant I had to finish this quickly.

I ducked under a swing, gave her an ol' fashioned one-two to the belly, right over the ovaries, and hit her chin with an uppercut.

She fell backwards, and I knocked her out with a kick to the head.

She was definetly gonna feel those in the morning. Good.

Now for the next item of my agenda.

I stood up with both feet over Hess' stomach and raised my hands over my head.

" **DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?!** " I shout at the top of my lungs. I already had their attention, considering I just beat the snot out of the Winslow's top bitch, and more alarmingly to the teachers, the school's resident Ward.

But now they knew I was talking to them, and that was important.

"Now! This place is a shit-hole! I spent the last year of my stay here getting bullied, and as you might have noticed, I got sick of that.

"What you probably don't know is that I'm sick of every aspect of that. Every single one. So, the next time I see a Nazi Youth beating up someone because of the colour of their skin, every time I see an Asian kid getting pressured to join the ABB, and everytime I see a Merchant in general, I'm going to be there.

"I'm going to be there, and I'm going to beat the shit out of anyone that's not behaving prim-and-fucking-proper.

"My name Taylor Hebert, I'm fourteen years old, Caucassian of Jewish descent, I'm attracted to women, and if any of you have a problem with this, you can bring it the fuck on."

I cracked my knuckles for dramatic effect, walked off of Hess and put my hands on my hips.

"Now someone lend me their phone, I need to call 911 about the waste on my locker."

About a dozen phones were immidiately offered to me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And thus, Taylor starts working and making friends.

After giving my statement to the police, I went home the long way around, making sure to walk so that several gang hideouts were on my path.

Without breaking stride, I took down everyone inside the hideouts, dragging the money discretely through the alleys and putting all the drugs into trash bags. I passed by a couple shops, buying myself three cameras, a small flip phone and a few articles of clothing.

I arrived at home, threw my bag on the floor, changed into my PJs, and entered my bed.

Huh, guess I melded into Taylor pretty quick, if I was thinking of these as _my_ things. Oh well.

I grabbed a book Taylor had been halfway through reading and started over, since I couldn't remember jack shit about it. It was kinda trashy, but entretaining.

After a point, I put a bookmark at the spot I was at, and brought some flies over. I'd been gathering random insects in the basement as I read, but this required my entire, undivided attention. Mostly because it was stupid fucking cool.

I grabbed a fly and willed it to absorb it's wings into it's body. It did exactly that.

Hm. I wonder how I can use this to kill an Endbringer.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Dad arrived just as I finished making my left gauntlet. It was creepy and wicked-looking, not to mention completely organic. Moving it was something done with my hand and my power. Not much of a challenge with my multitasking powers, but it'd take some getting used to.

I walked down the stairs, greeted dad, made small talk while I cooked, ate, and we went to our respective rooms to sleep. I read while making my bug armour. I had to stop when I got to the finale, but eventually I was finished.

The suit was generally like the one in canon, except the back of my head had armour with something similar to my hair growing out of it. I made the 'eyes' to be a thin sheet of organic material that functioned as biological lenses. There was also extra protection on my back, because paralysis isn't a fucking joke.

Plus, the mouth piece looked like an ant's mandibles, and could open at will. I tried moving it in rythm with me talking, but I looked like the bug version of a plant that asks Seymour to feed it.

Over all, I looked like I crawled out of the dark pits of Hades after bathing in every arachnophobe's nightmares.

I was gonna scare the shit out of _everyone_.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

After I made sure dad was asleep, I snuck out of my window.

I made my way to Winslow, creeped out a lot of people on my way there, beat up a couple of nazis that tried to attack me, and broke into the school.

I stuck my new cameras in a couple of key places with spiderwebs, and took pictures of my locker. Not in that order.

Also, on the way out, I drew dicks on the whiteboards and wrote "Emma Barnes has a Hot Dog face" with a little "because she looks like you can pick her up at a corner for two bucks" under it.

After that, I decided I wasn't tired and took a stroll around the Docks. Maybe see if I can find Lung and chop off his dick or something.

Instead, I found a blonde cheerleader, a mousy healer, and a crippled asian racist arguing. Crippled because his legs were currently smashed under a car.

"I said I was sorry!" Glory Girl shouted.

"Not to  _him_!" Panacea replied.

"What she said!" The ABB mook chimed in.

I stared from a distance, a couple of bugs crawling on me. I absorbed them into my armour and pushed other bugs out of it at random points just to add to the creepiness.

Okay, no problem. Just go over there and talk to the two very attractive capes that just so happen to be your age. No problem.

God I wish either part of me had more experience with social interaction.

Eventually, I got over my nervousness and walked over. Then I realized that was a bad idea, hid again, and sent a bug clone.

"Hey," the bug clone said, waving a 'hand'.

"GAH, BUG MONSTER!" Glory Girl shouted, grabbing a nearby car (i.e. the one crushing the mook's legs) and throwing it at the clone.

Most of the bugs died on impact, but I quickly made another one in its spot.

"Is that how they say hello where you're from?" The bug asked. "I'm not a monster, so please stop reaching for that car."

"Uh, sorry." Glory Girl dropped the Ford Fiesta and rubbed her neck. "No offense, but you're kinda horrifying."

"Some taken," the bug clone came appart and the bugs that made it came over to cover me as I walked closer. "'Sup? I'm Skitter."

Silence reigned the street before the mook spoke up. "Are you sure you're not a bug monster?"

"I'm not condoning anything, but I can see why you threw a car at him." I comment.

"Right? Anyway, you probably already know who we are-"

"Not really."

"So- wait what?"

"No idea who you guys are." I pushed my amusement into my bugs. I wanted to see how long I could keep this up.

"Wha- are you serious?"

"Yep. Are you some kind of cheerleader-and-librarian-themed team?"

The mook laughed and Panacea coughed to hide a chuckle.

"No, we're New Wave!"

"Ugh. I'm much more into Classical, but to each their own, I guess."

"OUR TEAM NAME IS NEW WAVE!"

"Ah, yeah, that makes more sense. I was wondering why you brought up art in the middle of talking about teams. It felt kinda rude, honestly." The look she sent me almost made me ruin it and laugh my ass off. "So, what're your names? Cape names, I mean."

"I'm Glory Girl." Victoria said proudly.

"And your hot friend?"

The blush that overcame Amy's heart would warm my cold dead heart for weeks to come.

"Oh, that's Panacea, my sister," Ooh, scary face there, Vicky. "And I don't think I like the way you're looking at her."

"Would it be better if I said I'm a girl?" Double standards, don't fail me now.

"Wha-? Seriously?"

"...  _unfortunately_ , we can't all have Playboy cover bodies, Barbie." Huh, I'm touchier about this than I thought I'd be.

The ABB mook raised a hand towards Glory Girl. "Tread  _very_ carefully."

"Uh," she seemed to be drawing a blank, and turned to look at her sister, who was still blushing slightly.

She composed herself, forced down the rest of her blush (crying shame, that), and walked forward. "What my sister meant is that your armor hides a lot of your features very well, and it's hard to tell what gender you are from a distance and in the middle of the night."

"Yeah, I know, I was just screwing with her." Mostly. "So anyways, what happened here?"

"Vi- I mean, Glory Girl tried to interrogate this guy." She turned and looked at the mook, whose legs were still two-dimensional. "Went about as well as usual."

"Hey!"

"And you can fix his legs, from what I gather?"

"Uh, yeah." She looked at me weird. I cocked my head sideways, and she snapped out of it. "Sorry, it's weird to talk to someone that doesn't know who I am."

I shrug. "I don't pay much attention to the cape scene. I wouldn't know much about out-of-town teams."

"... we're stationed here."

I let a beat of silence pass us by before putting a hand over my forehead. "Holy shit I'm out of touch."

Dumb, yeah, but it got a chuckle out of her. And like anyone can tell you, most people will make asses of themselves to get a laugh out of a pretty girl.

And now I saw GG inspecting us with a hand on her chin. This wouldn't end well.

"Anyway, what exactly where you interrogating him for?"

"The location of a kidnapped girl Glory Girl's friends with."

"... go ahead and heal his legs, I'll get it out of him."

"You sure?"

"Trust me."

She looked at me closely for a second, but eventually nodded and went over to the mook. I walked beside her, the fingers of my gauntlet sharpening into claws for intimidation factor.

After Amy healed his legs, he tried to get up, but my spiders tripped and bound him with their silk. I calmly approached him as bugs started crawlimg over his body.

"So, where's the girl?"

"Fuck you! I'm not scared of some bugs!"

I lifted his head so he could stare into my 'eyes' and made my bugs speak with me. "Listen _very_ closely to what I am about to tell you.

"The ants inside your socks have been modified so that their bites are literally the most painful thing you can experience.

"The spiders inside your shirt have been modified so that their venom doesn't leave your body for years, leaving you in constant pain and weakness for decades.

"And the beatles swiftly approaching your dick have been modified so that whatever they bite rots and falls off.

"Feel like talking yet?"

\-----------------------------------------------------------

I walked besides Amy as Vicky floated nearby, the latter obviously keeping her distance from me. I felt a bit intimidated when I looked at her, so she was probably using her aura.

"For the record, I was bluffing. I didn't get around making those bugs yet."

"Yet?" Amy turned to look at me.

I shrugged.

"Anyways, creepy as it was, that was pretty cool." Vicky chimed in.

"Thanks," I said, making a beetle on my shoulder and modifying it.

"What are you doing?" Amy asked, looking at the beatle with fascination.

"I'm making a Master Aura Detection Beetle. Or MADB for short." The 'B' was silent. "It's basically a brain that screeches and glows when it's inside someone's control. Besides mine, of course."

Right as I said that, the MADB started screeching and glowing. We stare at it awkwardly before turning to look at GG.

"Uh..." she cleared her throat. "I'll uh, I'll turn it down."

Besides that, not much else happened. We saved GG's friend, beat up some mooks, I gave Amy the MADB, and went home to sleep before the innevitable confrontation with Blackwell the next day.


	3. Interlude: Panacea's Musings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I forgot when I started this that I apparently have a life.

What a weird fucking cape.

Amy usually avoided swearing, even in her own head (couldn't have her image of being a kind, innocent healer ruined), but Skitter felt like a good enough reason to nake an exception. In her head.

As she thought this, Vicky came back from leaving her friend with the police.

"So..." Vicky said, looking closely at her. "That was weird, right? Like, this new cape shows up, doesn't recognize us, interrogates a gangbanger, attacks the warehouse until someone yells 'not the bees' and then gives you an anti-Master beetle. I didn't just hallucinate all that, right?"

"Nope, I saw all that too." Amy answered, petting the MADB's surprisingly soft caprace, to which the abomination against nature responded with a soft chittering purr. This thing was so creepy it rounded right back into cute.

"Cool, because WHAT THE FUCK?!" Vicky exploded, along with her aura, which made the MADB (she needed a name for him) start glowing and screeching. She shot the beetle an ugly look, but conceded and drew her aura back.

"What part of that whole exchange made you scream, exactly?"

"All of it!" Vicky said, almost letting go of her aura. "She can't possibly be so out of touch that she thinks we're from out of town, right?"

"I think she was just messing with us?"

"How could you tell? She literally has no body language!"

"She refused to use anything other than bees until someone screamed ' _not the bees_ '," Amy pointed out. "She kinda seems like the type to screw with people any way she can think of."

"Hm, good point." Vicky picked up Amy and they started heading home. "By the way, I couldn't help but notice she called you 'my hot sister'."

" _Oh shit,_ " Amy whispered. She'd been hoping Vicky forgot about that. "Look, there's no need to make a big deal out of-"

"My sister and Skitter, a romance between biokinetics! Written in the stars, before they met!"

"God dammit."

"Ah, cheer up, Ames. You know I'm just kidding. Even if you liked girls, she'd still need to pass some investigation to be a Victoria-Approved match."

"R-right, if I liked girls. Which I don't. Because I like boys."

A silence stretched as Vicky stopped flying and tilted her head down to look at her increasingly nervous sister.

"Oh my god."

"No."

"Oh my god!"

"Vicky, dammit, no."

"OH MY GOD!"

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, VICKY, I SAID NO! IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!"

"THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH!"

"THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH?!"

"This is why you never hook up with any of the boys I introduce to you!"

"I just don't want to start a relationship!"

"This is why you googled 'gay community Brockton Bay'!"

"That was World Issues homework!"

"THIS IS WHY YOU STARED AT ASHLEY'S CHEST IN THE LOCKERS AFTER GYM CLASS!"

"I WAS COMPARING SIZES!"

" _FOR TWENTY MINUTES?!_ "

"I'M REALLY BAD AT JUDGING SIZE FROM A DISTANCE, OKAY?!"

"WHY WAS SHE EVEN NAKED FOR TWENTY MINUTES?!"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?! IT'S LIKE, JUST GET DRESS AND GET IT OVER WITH!"

"MAYBE SHE KNEW YOU WERE STARING AND LIKED IT!"

"SHE'S STRAIGHT, I DOUBT IT!"

"HOW DO YOU KNOW?!"

"I HAVE AN EXCELLENT GAYDAR!"

"YEAH, BECAUSE YOU'RE GAY!"

"THE CORRECT TERM IS 'LESBIAN' YOU IGNORANT-" Amy stopped screaming and coughed for a while. When she resumed talking, her voice was hoarse. "Look, can we talk about this later? In private? At a reasonable volume?"

"SURE! THAT SOUNDS LOVELY! BUT, YOU KNOW I'LL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU, NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE, RIGHT?!"

"Yeah, I know. Why are you still shouting?"

"I CAN'T STOP! HELP!"

"You know I can tell you're lying right?"

"Yeah, I know."

They drifted for a while, over the Brockton Bay skyline. Amy pet the MADB, and Vicky closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the wind on her face.

"By the way, we passed home like two minutes ago."

"Shit!"

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment.


End file.
